Second Person birds (SPB) or what would otherwise be known as vicarious onlookers in the vicinity of your life are the new pests of our society. They could be online personas, your friends or co-workers, or even your own family, perching on top of imaginary branches, looking on and tittering while you are crippled by suffering.
SPBs can be considered to be close to you, and yet they wouldn’t probably know the first thing about you. The most intimate they can get with you, is in their familiarity to you, possibly knowing you for years of your life, and this pseudo-intimacy can manifest in a deprecating joke at your expense, with the aim of establishing more second person birdships with other not-so-well wishers of yours’.
On tips to curb the spread of SPBs, the optimal approach would be to, cut down the trees that sustain them. But to not completely destroy the vegetation, it is advisable to plant flowering plants, which might attract henceforth, the first person birds (FPBs). FPBs are those warm, enlivening birds, who would surround you with the nourishment for you to thrive and such an environment inherently desiccates the growth of SPBships.
While this may be, there is a really tiny chance that an SPB can become an FPB. This involves a highly risky manouver, which also renders the risk of the SPB becoming a Third Person Bird (TPB), but according to various opinions TPBs are harmless compared to SPBs.
Returning to the enactment of the conversion therapy of an SPB to an FPB, this involves something that might look like an intervention. To be succesful in this, it is highly advisable to have a number of FPBs along with you. The actual act requires you to wait for the SPB to perch on their favourite branch, and start their not so humorous antics. Then you would have to wait for the SPB to reach the peak of their ectasy, and right at that moment, not before, not after, you need to cut off the branch that supports them. This will render them helpless and in a state of downward flight. It is crucial now, to catch these poor and emaciated birds gently. You also run the risk of these SPBs turning feral, but if they don’t, then you should be in the clear. But it’s not always a happy ending after this as well. A newly converted SPB might always revert back to its old tendencies, so its important to always be on alert and ready to cut down the tree if needed.
Disregard all this, if you’re already a trained bird watcher.